How to Handle Career and Family
In today’s world, it is highly important to be in time and to develop all the spheres of the life. “How is it possible?” - is quite a relevant question. How to be happy with the family and build the career at the same time. How to hire resume writer if you just start thinking about building your career? Let us try to find the answers to all these questions. Show yourself from the most advantageous side is usually far from easy. You should emphasize your strengths and do not focus on weaknesses. It is unlikely that an average person has a lot of experience in resume writing. For this there are resume writing services online, that knows how to make your resume successful.
Being a good family man and an excellent employee is not an easy task. A person can hardly be perfect in everything. But the good news is that now you can create professional resume with the help of experts, that is with the help of people who know perfectly well what should be written in this kind of papers and how to do it in the best way, that is to find the job you really need and save your time and money. The creative team of writers will assist you in composing or proofreading your resume or cover letter. This will save you from using the resume killing phrases and will make your resume significant as a whole. So, if you are looking for someone who can help you to create the perfect resume, you are on the right way.
Have you ever had a remorse because you are too fond of your work and give too much time to it? If the answer is yes, there is a question for you. How do you know that you should feel the guilt?
Just do not say that you feel it always, every minute. Because, if this is so, you would never work: firstly, it would be unbearably painful, and secondly, you would not have any dividends for you at all. And even money would not save the situation.
A sense of guilt comes to you from time to time. Coming home from work, you see the sad eyes of children or the mountain of unwashed dishes. When you can not get a child on a holiday. When the husband (or his mother) says that you are difficult to find at home and you could pay more attention to the family.
As we all know, time is the most valuable resource that we have (in addition to health, of course). But we can not turn time back, that is why its value increases constantly.
Any person has the full right to distribute his/ her time not only in the way he/she wants but also so that there would be a practical benefit. However, some people manage to do all important things and still have time for rest and entertainment, while others do not have time to do anything, and they can not relax. Why? After all, everyone has the 24 hours in days, and 60 minutes in hours?
The answer is simple to banality. People, who do not have time, do not know how (or do not want to) manage their time. In the literal sense, of course, time cannot be managed, but everyone can learn how to use it rationally and manage it in this sense. There is even a special discipline, time management, for this.
Time management is the accounting and scheduling of time. In our case, since we are talking about personal time, this is the accounting and planning of our personal precious time resource. Thanks to them, we can structure our working and non-working hours with amazing ease.
Many people believe that time management is the prerogative of managers, but this is not true. It is useful and accessible to mastering not only at work but at home. Young mother time management will help keep track of the child and keep herself in good shape (in fact, this applies to people with children in general).
Simply put, time management will benefit anyone who wants to tidy up their studies, work, life and even relationships with others; who wants to become more efficient and successful.
If you want to know how to do everything, you need to understand the main principle of time management. According to it, time should not be measured in minutes and hours, but in events and actions. It is this original perception of time that will give you a feeling of fullness of life and an understanding of how to live with profit for yourself.
Take a rule to spend your time and your strength on what you really need: what leads to success, promotes the goal, expands the boundaries.
At such moments, you remember the soups you undercooked, and a sick list you have not taken, the important conversations crumpled due to fatigue, broken promises, the vacation spent with the phone in your hands. You, perhaps, even remember yourself as a child, when you were in tears sitting late on the washing machine and waiting for Mom to come home from work. But the thing is that you love your family and your work.
And in the end, for some reason, it turns out that the joy of self-realization poisons your home environment, and the joy of marriage and motherhood is an obstacle in your career. This, of course, is completely wrong. Because both are very important aspects of your life. And I really want to feel not guilt, but pleasure in both.
Here I would like to immediately divide two completely different types of attitude towards work: a person can be in love with his/ her work, which is called "by vocation", and can go there as a compensation and a consolation prize. Both of them can easily become workaholics, that is, they spend much more time working than their relatives would like, but the motive here is completely different. Those people for whom work is only a way to earn money can easily change their profession if money is not enough. But professionals who are in love with their work cannot do this. This is the difference, I think.
What to do to give up eternal guilt and congestion?
1. First, set your own priorities. I'm not about ultimatum measures "either family or work". I mean that your time should be distributed fairly clearly: how much and when you are at work (and you can be bothered only with real force majeure), and when you just put everything off, and spend time with your children and family. They should have such a time no matter what, they need to have it guaranteed, under any circumstances!
2. Secondly, usually, being lack of attention means not the time spent together but the quality of it. Of course, it is desirable that each of the family members, including the cat, had its own exclusive piece of your attention every day. But common family dinners, when you can spend time together, joke or discuss something relevant, are also very important.
3. And thirdly, stop reacting to provocations at last, and obediently sprinkle ashes on your head every time someone wants to tell you that you are not a good enough mother or, conversely, not too zealous worker. As you know, people get used to good things quickly. And if earlier you paid too much of your time and attention to your employees (students, clients, etc.), could not refuse those who wanted your advice, help or advice, these people began to perceive your behavior as a norm. And, of course, it is possible that they will now have grievances and complaints about you. Clearly explain to them that you belong to your family on weekends, in the evenings or on vacation, and you think this is absolutely fair. Find someone in the office who can make part of your overtime duties for you.
4. The last one. Stop noticing only your shortcomings. Try to separate the time you spend at work and the one you have with your family. Switch off the phone for the office calls and be totally involved in what you are doing here and now.
How to manage with children. Basics of time management for mothers
How to manage with children: this topic is very extensive and almost bottomless with the new ideas. We should start with the main thing, with the prioritization and assimilation of the basic principles of successful organization of time. And also to learn some features of parenting that take place in our parental life does not matter whether you want it or not. Agree, that everything that took place before the birth of children is fundamentally different from what happens after. These kids turned our lives, now it's time to learn to live differently. Let's see what can be done to manage to do with children. There is my algorithm for doing business.
More interesting to read in this section:
How to manage with children. Prioritization.
1 - First of all, decide for yourself, in general, why should you manage everything? What will it give you, why do you need it? Let's say the answers can be:
- I'm tired very much, I do not have time, I am nervous, jerky. I want to establish a way of life to live peacefully and happily
- I want to spend some time for study
- I want to spend more time with children, not with a mop
2 - When you have decided, why do you need all this, determine what is important for you to do and keep up as young parents. What is paramount to you, what you cannot exist without. Remember, that there should be things which deal not only with cooking, appliances and caring for the baby but also with your rest. After all, tired and exhausted, we have little to do. Let's say, such items are important for you:
- necessary care for a child
- games and classes with the child, a minimum for good development
- taking care of yourself, at least 30 minutes a day
- communication with husband/wife
- rest / restoring peace of mind
Let's say that these are the most important things that you should be able to do with children. Taking care of yourself and rest, among other things, also refers to priority cases. Agree, when you are nervous and tired, you can hardly do anything adequately and on time. Will it be useful for the child to communicate with the unhappy tortured mother? Therefore, we are making a priority.
Care of the child (changing diapers/bathing, etc.) and playing with the baby can be done in different ways. The minimum sufficient care is necessary for the child.
3 - Then we look at fewer priority tasks that do not require daily attention or that can be missed in case of lack of time.
- watering the flowers
4 - The last list of low-priority cases, as well as various time absorbers. We try to reduce the number of these cases during the day, minimizing them to the maximum.
- watching TV
- Internet surfing
- soc. networks
- useless or unwanted phone calls
Although, some of these things can be combined with something more useful. For example, ironing + TV. As a result, we received three lists. We will work separately with each of them to optimize our daily work, to make it more rapid.
So, we try to fulfill the most priority cases, we bring them into our plan, as the important ones. Less important stuff will be scattered around the day or week so that it will not take much time, we fulfill as much as we can and desire, or perform it every day but for a limited time. For example, we arrange a device for maintaining order or ironing every day for 15 minutes, or we are engaged in a hobby during the sleep of the baby 2 times a week.
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The third list is desirable to be eliminated from life or to allow yourself these activities as a reward for the accomplishments. For example, if everything is done for today and there are half an hour before going to sleep in the evening, you can watch the show or surf the net. It is important not to stay long hours with such the occupations and still go to bed in half an hour. You may check more habits to change your life for better.
How to manage with children. 5 basic rules of time management for parents.
Use the help. Any that is offered. If possible, ask for help. This is especially true for young mothers with very little babies. Ask your husband to help when he is at home. After all, even half an hour in this mode is already an achievement. Grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, friends. If someone from close people offers help, agree to it. There is no need for perfectionism "I'm all by myself! What, I can not manage it? ". Let it be just a walk with a stroller, washing the floors, preparing dinner. Any help is important. You will be in the black, anyway.
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Do household chores to the maximum while the baby is awake. This point is not always easy to perform. But if it can be implemented, it brings tremendous changes. While the kid is busy with toys, you can wipe the dust, wash the floors, dismantle the rubble on the table, in the cupboard, water the flowers, peel the vegetables for lunch, and wash the dishes. In this case, the baby should be near, at least under review. The exception is the work related to the danger for the baby, after all, he/ she is nearby (frying-boiling); or "dirty" work (cleaning the toilet).
Some babies are happy to watch mom is running around the room. What difficulties can be met? The kid refuses to sit in the crib/playpen/chair while you are running before him/ her. There is still a very good option, a sling. Many babies calm down next to their mothers and look with curiosity to what you are doing from the sling. Again, sometimes it happens that the baby refuses to sit in the sling, tries to get out of it. Here, it is necessary to search for variants. You can do some of the small things with one hand.
A baby's dream is your personal time. If you managed to implement the previous paragraph, then this one is quite possible. If most of the things are done while the child is awake, it will only have to be done a bit during the rest. Then, you can organize the sleep time of the baby on your own. It can be work, a hobby, just rest (reading, lying in the bathroom) and everything you want.
You may always use this time to think of the successful self presentation. That will definitely help you in the future.
Use modern technology. Washing machines, blenders, dishwashers and all the others stuff will save a lot of time, and most importantly, strength. Use this as often as possible. Perhaps, the most important of these is the washing machine. Washing with young children is very frequent, and very time-consuming.
Online services of any kinds ( blogs for young parents or helpful tips on how to combine the family and carrier or the customers service resume) can also be very helpful. Reading some articles that could be interesting for you (e.g. http://resume-service.org/blog/resume-help-and-your-new-job ) is also very useful time spending.
Get rid of stereotypes in your head. A lot of them are written in books: wash floors twice a day, when you have a baby, iron ALL clothes on both sides, cook complex meals (first, second, dessert). Part of this is not justified. You can wash the floors as they become dirty. Once a week is good, and another 1 (maximum 2) times just hastily walk the mop to collect the dust. And no disinfectants. Baby is not less harmful living in a sterile environment than in the mud. To ironing is needed in the first month of life, while the umbilical wound is still healing. After that, it's not necessary. About dinners: it is you to decide what is more important: to have a full dinner and a tired mother, or a hearty soup, but one extra half an hour of time.
How to manage with children
Some simple secrets are the basis for all other time management receivers. Until you master these basic secrets, you could not do the rest. I'm twice Mom. The difference between children is 1 year and 9 months. I think it's clear how fun our days are. I'll share my secrets. These are not techniques and methods. These are the principles that must be kept in mind and performed regularly because all the other tricks of time management do not work without them. Here you may find more about habits of successful people and the body language tricks of successful people.
1 - The main secret to do with children is very simple: give a lot of quality time to children.
First, there may be a contradiction: how can you manage to do a lot of things, if you should give time to children and even a lot of time. But this is the whole point. Very often, we do not have time, because the child or children scream, peep, whimper, drag us somewhere, and ask to do something all day. All the tricks of time management do not work, because the child refuses to do business with us, but wants to read a fairy tale or play typewriters. The fact is that the child does not have enough personal quality time with his/ her mother.
When I realized this, I decided to change everything from the bottom up. For a few days, I gave maximum time to children qualitatively. Yes, we had some problems with the order, and the food was rather simple, but a few days of such intense communication and something that had not taken place before began to happen. My daughter began to walk away from me and play for a while herself. I had 5, 10, 15 minutes of time when nobody bothers me. The younger baby, too, being full with me, could lie down for about 10 minutes looking at the toys. As they grew older, they themselves increased the time of free play.
Such abundant communication had to be done, as I realized that before they lacked quality attention. I often did things around the house or mechanically played, thinking about my own, there was no involvement in communication. Now I try every day, if there is no force majeure, to give time to the maximum that is possible. One day more, another day - less. It's amazing, but now other principles of success are possible. After a good relationship with the mother, the children are more likely to join my business, observe, help, and do not squeak and drag. And sometimes I can spare my time even when they are not asleep because they are full of love and attention.
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2 - Another rarely encountered secret to do with children: enjoy every day and moment.
Even if the day was not a success, it was not possible to accomplish something, we must try to love this moment. To imagine that a crying kid is your chance to help him/ her, to be more time by his/ her side, to embrace more, to reassure more. Moods are your test of perseverance and knowledge. If you have to sit at home because of the weather, this is a great opportunity to work out with children. Love every moment, even if it's complicated.
Any unpleasant and difficult situation is an opportunity for our growth. Only in it we can leave the comfort zone and develop new qualities: perseverance, patience, calmness, equanimity, self-control. Remember that every difficulty is your exam. Do you want to pass it with the "excellent" mark? If you treat difficulties this way, life ceases to be difficult at all. There are easy and happy moments, and there is time for training and development. This is great! Some more useful hints for you how to cope the overtasking.
3 - One more important secret for mothers. This is a healthy don’t-care-attitude. If you do not have it, you cannot get rid of the hassle for every little thing. It is easy to reconcile with the fact that the floors are not washed for a week or two, the dust on the shelves has accumulated, the mirror in the bathroom is stained. Mom can still endure it. But if the precious child smears the porridge on the wall or hurls it at the ceiling, then the patience of many of us ends. Here, healthy don’t-care-attitude is very useful, how many nerves it saves!
But it is difficult to develop, especially for those who were still strong or even not a strong perfectionist. This science is given hard, but the result is worth it. When I partially mastered don’t-care-attitude, scattered toys on the floor so that you can not pass or painted walls, a pile of torn and scattered paper, has become just a part of the interior for me. Nothing special, just kids are fooling. So, you can live for half a day or all day and nothing will happen. When I am in a good mood and have a desire, I will clean everything. It always arises, if you are calm.
In a nervous and angry state, it is difficult to clean all the consequences of children's games qualitatively and quickly. And in a calm and neutral state, it is much more effective to explain to the baby what is necessary to do or invite him/ her to make an order together. Yes, I still do not always succeed in this point, sometimes pranks and shouts derail me. But still, in recent years, moderate don’t-care-attitude is increasingly becoming my good friend. And when I'm calm, the children calm down faster.
In general, after the birth of children, I realized the main thing of any time management, success. All problems are in our head. It seems to us that the children do not let us go anywhere, but it turns out that we give little attention or we do not involve them in our affairs. We often get angry at something that makes no sense at all. We think that we are loaded with work to the limit, but it turns out that we are actually spending a lot of time on TV, the Internet, and other useless things. But this is good news! This means that we ourselves can change everything, we can improve ourselves, we can do more with children if we change a little. We do not need to wait for someone or something, we can cope with everything ourselves. This is wonderful!
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Nature cannot be conceived in such a way that it would be difficult to live with children. Think, can it be that the upbringing of children was a heavy burden, causing permanent problems? If this were so, then at some stage of its existence, humanity would die out, ceased to give birth. And now we have 1-2 children, a lot of home appliances, do not suffer from a lack of food. But earlier they gave birth to 5-15 children and brought them all. And there was not such a general hysteria about the severity of motherhood. So why is it difficult now with children?
I am deeply convinced that motherhood and paternity is the joyful side of life, full of happiness and love, one in which natural difficulties and difficult periods are easy to live with because strong love gives strength and inspiration to move on. We just forgot how to treat kids this way, we are too stuck in captivity of our selfish desires, fashion and time trends, we have forgotten how to love children, relatives and really truly sincerely and unconditionally. That is why parenting has become a heavy burden for modern people, a field for battle, and not a harmonious world. That's why children are getting more and more separated from us, they all leave our natural protection, get on an unsafe and unwanted path for us.
In my opinion, we left the nature's plan. According to it, the upbringing of the child is a natural process, organically inscribed into the rest of life. Nature is conceived so that it is not difficult to raise children, but naturally.
More to read on this topic:
Why is it difficult with children? The two most important factors
- Happiness of parents
The main factor that I believe made us lost in the modern world is a constant sense of happiness of tranquility, the dimension of life. We are very nervous, constantly hurrying, constantly dissatisfied with something or someone, we are constantly in conflict with others and with ourselves. We think that we are missing something all the time. We forgot how to have fun and be grateful for what we already have.
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In our fussy lives, we forgot how to enjoy every moment, every moment of our life, lost a sense of calm happiness, forgot how to see a lesson or a positive moment in every situation (even in the bad one). What does this lead to? Our children become just as nervous we are. How can a child be calm if the mother is nervous ten times a day? Because of the fact that she did not wash the dishes, then there is not enough cabbage for the soup, then the father is late, then of being tired.
Tell me, did you think, when you were pregnant, that, at last, the baby will be born and there will be happiness, you will not have to go to the unloved work, to communicate with unpleasant people? Finally, you will have a chance to get rid of all this burdensome and the baby will be our salvation? The baby will bring the very happiness. But this is fundamentally wrong. In general, it is desirable to be happy ourselves and give happiness to the child, and not vice versa.
Of course, children bring pleasure and joy, but this is not necessary. How can a little man be calm and joyful if his/ her mother is nervous, tired, exhausted, with a bunch of problems, complaining about life and all in a row? How would this baby save the adult from suffering? And when the baby is born and grows, it turns out that we were left with the same set of feelings, although the circumstances have changed, and the baby does not solve the problem, and sometimes even brings them.
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In a calm, happy state the so-called resource state comes, we have a lot of strength and energy, more patience. In this state, we are able to transfer difficulties easily, it is easier to deal with pranks and moods, sometimes even not letting them develop from the very beginning. In this state, it is easy to do with children. Therefore, our task is to make ourselves calm and happy, satisfied and confident. It is useless to work on the symptoms (the behavior of the child), we must work on the cause (our life).
What can we do so that it's would not be difficult to cope with the children?
- Take care of yourself
- Ask for help
- Do not fall into idealization
- Find what makes you calm and happy
- Remove all unnecessary, at least temporarily: unnecessary worries, depressing communication, books, TV
2. The second factor. Sociality
So it is conceived that man is a social being. We live in interaction and communication, especially women do. Children are created in order to see a large number of close people, relatives from the birth.
The community of life (in the good sense of the word) is the basis of the growing up of the baby. So, it is conceived that the child is curious, he/ she observes the life of adults and imitates it. At first, he/ she just looks at everyone from the hands of his/ her mother.
The child sees his/ her mother, who is cooking the food and wants to participate in this process, he/ she sees a dad who is digging the ground for the planting and tries to help him. He sees Uncle Peter, who is repairing his boots and also wants to take up an instrument. He sees a grandmother washing laundry; an aunt who is nursing the baby; brothers and sisters running on the grass; neighbor children collecting sticks. He/ she observes everyone and everyone learns something. He/ she does it from an early age, first, from the mother's hands, then while crawling around the house and on the grass, then while running.
And now think, does your child satisfy his/her curiosity? Does he/ she regularly see these grandmothers, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters, acquaintances, neighbors, safe and native people, whom he/she can observe, who are interesting to learn from? How does the kid satisfy his/ her need to study everything, if he/she is only with his /her mother at home? After all, then he/she spends all his/ her irrepressible energy on his/her mother, demanding that she constantly entertain him/her and give the impressions. Instead of learning from many people, the baby is exhausting his/ her mother, as there are no other options.
What happens if the mother does not fully satisfy the curiosity of the little man? He starts whining, demanding, showing aggression because he/she feels the unmet needs. It becomes difficult for him /her.
In a community life, a kid is always surrounded by the adults, but not always with his/ her mother. He can be with other people who are close to him/ her, be protected and calm, not only with his/her mother. Mom can relax at this time, do her own business, take her mind off. The child does not feel any discomfort if another adult, close and familiar, follows him/her for a while. After all, they lived in large families before, being together each day. Children perceived them as their adults, were very attached to some.
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And what do we have now? Mom is with the child all the time. He/she sees the father for half an hour in the evening and a grandmother a couple of times a month. Sometimes, even rarer.
What is the solution?
Do not limit the child's social circle. Give him/ her the opportunity to see other people at the hands of the mother. Walk not only during the sleep of the baby but when he/ she is cheerful, keep the baby in the arms, in a sling, so that he/she can see the world and the people. Yes, the first month or two, for security reasons, you need to spend less time in crowded places, but then go out for a little, invite friends home, sometimes, go to visit mom’s friends with other children. To let the child communicate with other adults, relatives, give birth to a brother / sister, finally and to establish the relations with parents and other relatives, of course.
Very often we restrict the communication of children with close adults artificially. And then, you will agree, it is your responsibility that you do not have a very good relationship with your parents (yours or your spouse’s), that you have moved somewhere, where no relatives, that you did not create a circle of people who you trust. Your responsibility is to create your own circle of communication or not to create it but to take natural consequences.
Communication is like food, just at a different level. If you give the child only the water (this is the most important thing for life, but not the only one), then do not be surprised if the child will constantly be capricious because of hunger. In communication, a full meal is needed too.
Make yourself happy (it does not matter whether you are Mom or Dad)
Make a large circle of daily communication, comfortable for you and the baby.
We found out two important factors, why it is difficult for us to do with children. Now let's look at three more important points.
3. The third factor. Wrong way of life of mother and baby.
There are two possible variants of the development of events. First, when the baby is awake, we are completely absorbed by him/her, we play develop him/ her. When the baby is sleeping, we are cleaning/cooking and so on.
But we forget about the important moment.
Solid games and entertainment are not the real life, we mislead the kids if we do not show them the real picture. We divide our everyday life into a child life and " the rest of life". The child is a part of life, its observer and participant, our task is to show him/ her the real world. How does he/ she know that the food should be cooked, if the food was always on the table or in the refrigerator? As in a joke, "modern children in the information age think that tomatoes and cucumbers grow in a supermarket ... on shelves ... immediately in a plastic bag." How will the kid see that it is necessary to clean up if the mother does not do this in front of him/her? If he/ she does not see anything, that doesn't exist for him. Moreover, he/ she will not help you later if he/ she does not see that you are doing this.
After a while, when the baby is growing up, and the mother does not have time to do everything during sleep, the child suddenly finds out that Mom has actually some business to do. A child is used to the fact that mom is a toy. And, of course, he/ she begins to terrorize the mother, do not let her deal with her business. It is not surprising that at such times it is difficult to do with children.
We need to live with children, not separate from them. You can cook, clean up, go to the store for little things, go to the post office, visit some cafes that are favorable, participate in quiet activities with kids.
Yes, not as often as it could be bone without a child. But the kid should not be isolated from the world. A home is not the whole world, but a microscopic part of it. While the baby is small, its world is also small, as the horizon grows, he/ she should grow.
The fourth option is the opposite, Mom does everything, but not engage in a child.
A child is lying in a crib with grandmothers, nannies, nurseries the whole day and night. This is a cruel version, but still happening these days. It is not worth saying in detail how much the mother is needed to a child in the first years of life, I think. The first year and a half mom is everything for a baby.
Baby is needed in the Mom a lot. She is a continuation of himself. Mom's indifference is always a deep trauma for the child. It is good, if the person, who replace the mother, is a kind and sincerely loving person, to whom the baby is attached and, in essence, who loves a baby like a mother. Then the child grows without serious injuries.
So, what to do? How not to fall into one of the extreme states? How to learn to live harmoniously and joyfully with the baby?
Sometimes, it is difficult with children. So, what to do?
- To give personal time to the kid
- To do everyday things together
- To do some things while a child is asleep and some while he/she is awake
- To be with close and native people, to communicate with them and to allow them to communicate to the kid more often
- To find the balance of your personal time with your baby and your personal time
- To be with the baby in difficult times for him/ her (for example, illnesses) is greater than in usual times.
Yes, you should not go too far. It is wise to combine the time spent personally with the baby and time of your household activities. Skewing both in one and another side leads to the negative consequences. A reasonable balance gives the amazing results.
5 The fifth factor. Perfectionism in parenting.
What does often happen to modern parents?
- They try to be the perfect parents. It is ideal to cook complex suppers of three courses, wash and clean the apartment to shine, when a small speck appears, immediately throw children's clothes into the laundry, do not allow the crawling baby to take any toys from the floor and rug in any way. We require perfect learning, ideal behavior from the child on the street and in a public place. And if the child does not fulfill something from this list, consider it our mistake and think we are the bad parents. In fact, all this is unreal and often absolutely not necessary. To be the ideal parent is not possible.
- Blindly follow other people's norms. Norms are how to cook, how to clean up, what and how to dress the child, what assessments he/ she should receive and how we and the children should behave. But, if you think about it, we do not even suspect why and where these norms came from. Some of them are no longer relevant, some do not meet our personal requirements.
- We are afraid to make mistakes and correct them. Sometimes, we exhaust ourselves and children, waiting for identity from ourselves and the child because we are afraid of making mistakes, making it worse, looking “a bad mother’’ in the eyes of others. Does this have anything to do with happiness? Does equality with others bring happiness? It does not do anything. And to be mistaken is normal and natural. We learn this way and find the best solution for us. Supplementary food, the organization of life, developing activities, the style of communication with the child, kindergartens, and schools, we are so afraid of all this, making our hesitation only worse more often.
- Consider yourselves to be the bad parents, if something goes wrong. The child needs a good, loving mother who looks into his/ her eyes, smiles and calms down in a difficult time. A child does not need ideality, we need it in reality. A child needs a kind mother, her warmth, affection. And the child agrees to eat one simple dish instead of three, and children do not think about the clean apartment for the time being.
This does not mean that you need to be bad. We need to do everything exactly as much as we have the energy to stay calm and peaceful. Then, when you master this skill, you can do something better, strive for important and desired things, but only by your will, when you have the strength and enthusiasm. Often it is difficult with children when we have loaded ourselves with unnecessary worries, hopes, and rules. It's time to get rid of this and delegate at least part of the duties to someone who is the professional: http://resume-service.org/blog/resume-services-east-or-west--resume-service-is-best
6. The sixth component. Leadership
In modern families there is no natural basis, thanks to which the child follows us, obeys us. This is the natural leadership of the parent and the attachment of the child. In the literature, it is called alpha-parenthood. This concept includes many items. In a nutshell, it is difficult to explain the theory of natural leadership. We can mention two important components of alpha-parenting:
- on the one hand, it is care and unconditional love;
- on the other hand, this is the position of the boss, that teach to form an effort.
A leader is one who gives custody, care, attention but manifests its primacy in certain matters at certain moments.
Developing leadership in natural conditions is simple, these days it is more difficult, but it is also possible. When we are the leaders in the relationship with the child, many difficult moments are solved in a simpler way: the child follows you, you take responsibility for your firm intention. Fewer whims, less misunderstanding.
I wish that each of you was happy with your children! And then you will not feel how it is difficult with children, you will feel only pleasant chores and joy!
The main idea here is very simple: children do not change the life, they supplement it. Parents should not give up their personal lives, they can continue to work, meet with friends, find time for their interests and generally do everything to prevent the child (and two and three) from turning the family into an endlessly suffering and exhausted organism moving around roaring "lump of happiness."
On the contrary, try to do everything to ensure that your lives are complete and balanced, without any sacrifices.
It is evident that you can live the full life and be successful at work and with your family. You always may ask for help in order to edit or proofread your resume and have more free time for family and friends.
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